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-   -   Rememberance (http://www.pcoscommunity.com/showthread.php?t=37746)

karidpt 01-28-2012 10:47 PM

This thread is to remember those precious babies we have lost.
With all the losses, we thought a thread to remember our angel babies would be a good idea.
Feel free to post anything you like about the loss of your little one(s).

karidpt 01-28-2012 10:48 PM

I will start,

Baby Perin lost on 9/10/10 @ 10.5 weeks. Baby found to have stopped growing at 7 wks....we saw the heartbeat at 6.5 wks. Forever in my heart!

FLHopeful1 01-29-2012 09:12 AM

I never picked out names for my babies, but I lost my first angel in July of 2010 at 6 weeks and then lost my second angel in August of 2011 at 12 weeks. He or she had stopped growing at 11 weeks. I would have been due on February 22nd, and am dreading when that day arrives. I know I can get pregnant. It just takes me about a year for some reason. Hopefully when it does happen again, God will bless me with a healthy, problem-free pregnancy. I can only hope and pray at this point.

chelseaf 01-29-2012 02:03 PM

I lost my LO at 5.5 weeks due to an ectopic pregnancy. I would have been due 7/18/12. One of the scariest and saddest moments in my life.

esarah 01-29-2012 04:49 PM

I have had 16 losses. I will list a few but I do remember them all.

My first loss was June 28, 2000. I was 5.5 weeks pregnant and had been married just about 6 weeks. I found out just before I started miscarrying that I was pregnant and I already felt so attached. I thought it would be the hardest thing I would ever have to go through. I had no idea.

Between then and the end of 2004 when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest child I had 8 more losses, ranging between 5 and 9 weeks. Each one brought more despair and pain. I really felt like it was hopeless. I was in a really dark place over the Summer of 2004. I had 9 losses at that point.

In October 2004 I found out I was pregnant again. I was tested for and then treated for antiphosphlipid syndrome. My first child was born in June 2005, 3 weeks before her due date, because of preeclampsia that we had been holding off (along with preterm labor) since about 33 weeks.

I had a miscarriage in November of 2005. I was 7 weeks pregnant. I saw the heartbeat and then the baby was gone.

In 2006 I had a miscarriage in May at 10 weeks. Again, I had seen the heartbeat, everything looked great and then I started bleeding and the baby was gone. In August, at 13 weeks I lost another. Just a couple of days before, I saw a heartbeat on an ultrasound, the baby looked like a baby. I lost that baby at home. Other miscarriages that were past about 8 weeks, sometimes I was pretty sure I knew which clot was the baby. At 13 weeks it was different. I knew without at doubt that was my baby. They looked like a baby. It was beyond devastating. My heart was broken and I didn't think it would ever heal and it never completely has. Those two losses, one right after the other were physically and emotionally draining on me. I was angry too because the perinatologist kept saying I didn't need heparin. I didn't have a clotting disorder. I was devastated but also determined to find out why this was happening and what needed to be done.

I was pregnant again by the end of the year after taking a short break and doing a lot of research. I convinced the doctors to put me back on heparin. I was able to carry that baby to 33 weeks.
I had a loss in late 2007.

In 2008 I had 2 more losses they were early losses. I felt defeated though.
Maybe 2 children was enough. I didn't know if I could go through it again. I had been EXTREMELY blessed with the 2 children I had and 15 losses later, I wasn't sure I could do it anymore. I was happy with my two little girls but I still longed for another baby.

We were able to have another baby in 2009 at 31 weeks. We didn't know if he would make it. Right after he was born we lost him for a short time but they were able to revive him and he is doing well now.

In 2009 I had another early loss. It's sad that I expected it. I knew it would happen. It didn't make it any easier though.

That was my last loss. We were able to have one more child (he was also premature at 34 weeks). We are done now. I almost died from hemorrhaging with a couple of my miscarriages and also with two of of my babies births.

I hope that this is ok to put all of it here. I remember each loss as if they were just yesterday. It's been something that has changed me and had made me stronger in the long run.

howdensl 01-29-2012 10:40 PM

I had been 18 when I lost my first baby. It was Septbember 2009. I had a name picked for her/him and was really excited to be sharing this experience with my fiance, though the ms was unbearable. At 15 wks I started feeling the nudges and bumps that was my baby. At 16 wks I felt nothing and a day later huge clots and blood started to pass. I couldnt bring myself to look for my baby in the mess. But I will never forget her. She was my first, and my most devastating.

January of 2011, I o'd and didnt get AF.. I waited and got the blood work but the midwife I was seeing said there was no way I was pregnant. I insisted on an ultrasound and found a blighted ovum. My baby never even got to start growing. Not as hard as the first but still hard.

Now I see all those around me having babies and I try to stay patient as I wait for my turn. Its hard not to feel like a failure when everyone else can do something that is so naturally right and you can't. I will try a few more times, and then we will stop. Atleast for a few years. Sometimes the negatives are worse than the loss.

RebeccaNC 01-30-2012 05:55 PM

I had my m/c last August. I had a complicated pregnancy, and needed to have two surgeries for a cervical ectopic. I was in the hospital for a 8 days after the second surgery, and everything was fine with the baby. I had an ultrasound or Doppler check for a hb every day. A week after the second surgery, I started passing large blood clots. Met with the on call OB resident, who thought the clots were likely from my cervix. I'd had a similar incident after my first surgery, which landed me in the ER (and brought about my readmission and second surgery). I continued bleeding, then my baby came at 12w 5d. As esarah wrote, it was obviously a little baby and the most horrifying sight I've ever seen.

I feel like my previous pregnancy and loss has changed me, and not necessarily for the better. I used to think that things would always work out for the best, but that experience just shattered that. I had the surgeries to try and preserve my pregnancy, rather than have a methotrexate shot (least invasive txt option for ectopics, but would've killed my baby). Then I ended up losing the baby anyway. And now my cervix is damaged from the surgeries, possibly endangering any future pregnancies.

My EDD was 3/1, and I am really dreading it.

amandalisa 01-31-2012 12:14 AM

I have 3 angel babies.
The first was August '10 after a surprise bfp and being on cloud 9 because I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to get pregnant. It was horrible, sad, emotional. I miscarried at home at 6 weeks and 3 months later found out I still had products of conception so I had to have my first d&c.
My second loss was in April '11. I was so nervous and excited at the same time after getting my bfp. We saw the heartbeat and baby at 6 wks, 7 wks and 8 wks. We were thrilled and started to let ourselves get excited. I started spotting at 10.5 weeks and went in for an u/s to find the baby without a h/b. I was devastated. I just couldn't understand how we had just seen the h/b and the baby was growing perfectly each week and how it could all just stop. I had another d&c at that point.
After my 2nd loss I had the repeat loss panel done and found out I have a clotting disorder along with being hetergynous for mthfr. I was relieved that at least we had some answers to why this was happening and I was hopeful for the future and being able to carry a baby.
My 3rd m/c was in Aug '11, 4 days after getting my bfp I started to bleed at home. It was so heartbreaking and discouraging because I had started all the new meds for my clotting disorder and still I miscarried.
I will never forget the way I felt being pregnant with these angels, all the joy and happiness I had, even though it was for a very short time. And I'll never forget the pain and heartbreak of losing them either...

Lucy256 01-31-2012 09:17 PM

When I got my BFP on May 18, 2011 I was so ecstatic. For some reason, I was very apprehensive about sharing the good news even though I really had no reason to believe anything would go wrong. I found out it was twins at 8 weeks. After seeing the heartbeats again at 12 weeks and making it through the first trimester I breathed a sigh of relief knowing the riskiest period was over. News spread fast and our families and friends were so excited too.

I had another good appointment at 16 weeks. At 18 weeks 3 days my world came crashing down. There was not much warning about what was about to happen. I came home from our local fair around midnight and went to the bathroom thinking I was going to have a BM, but nothing came out and I noticed bleeding. I called the doctor and he said go straight to labor and delivery. When I got there, he said the membranes were already protruding out of my cervix. They did an ultrasound and both babies looked healthy as could be. They tipped my hospital bed back and hoped gravity would help things go back into place. There was no sign of infection or any other problems. I remained hopeful and I felt like everything was going to work out and be okay. They said I was having contractions and bleeding, but once they slowed down they could place a cerclage. The next morning, they came back and did an u/s and one of the babies (Alan) did not have a heartbeat any more. Then it was a waiting game. They knew I would need to deliver Alan, but were hopeful they could place the cerclage afterwards and save the other baby. About 2 hours later, I had very strong contractions and delivered Alan at 10:17 am. 20 minutes later, I delivered my other healthy little baby, Blake. It all happened so fast and there was no stopping it. My family came and got to hold them. They had little tiny hats and were wrapped in a little blanket. It was the hardest thing DH and I have ever been through. We had them cremated and buried on a family plot about a mile from our home.

They were so adorable and I could tell they looked like my DH already. I was such a proud mama when I got to hold them and DH looked like a natural daddy. I miss them so much and think about them every single day. When I see anyone else with twin babies I just want to tell them what a miracle it is to have healthy twin babies.

gatorgirl 02-02-2012 10:09 PM

i got my BFP on 7/20/2010 with a natural surprise!!!!!!, we were over the moon with joy since we had been trying for almost 2 years actively with clomid and injections, nothing worked! everything was going well, had u/s and baby was great, and progressing nicely. the beginning of October i started spotting brown, went to OB said that it was prob old blood and it was ok, had u/s and baby looked great, cervix was fine. Dr put me on bedrest and ordered me to see specialist, saw specialist, and had u/s at 16 weeks, and cervix was a little short, that was on a tues. found out baby was a GIRL!!!! cerclage was ordered for that Friday. was still on bed rest but was allowed to go to target and purchase an outfit. bought an outfit and came home. thursday night went to the bathroom and blood was EVERYWHERE!!! and coming out of me, like my water broke, called 911 and went to ER had emergency u/s and they cant tell you anything when the u/s is an emergency but finally saw DR and they said baby was fine and every thing looked good.
came home for a couple of hours and then had to be back at hospital for the cerclage, waited and waited and waited and during that time my back was KILLING me (now i know i was in back labor) finally got called back to have surgery, was asked to changed into the gown went to the bathroom, and out she came. i FREAKED out!!!!!!!! called for the nurse and just screamed! DH ran in there I told him he did not want to see this. Nurse got her and she was not breathing. she was too little to survive. at 17 wks 1 day on 10/22/2010 our world FELL apart at 6:16am. i had to be moved to a birthing room to birth the placenta. we were able to hold her and love her. she had a little hat on and blanket. my family and DH family came and held her.
we named her Madisyn Taylor. She looked perfect, just a very tiny baby with 10 fingers and toes. She looked like DH and had my lips. she was so innocent and so small.
We had her cremated and buried. that was the hardest feeling in the world to burry a baby you never really knew! i cried for 3 weeks and i was just a mess for a while! i still have my days.

i never knew my holidays and special days would revolve around making sure my baby's grave was perfect and she had her decorations for each holiday. I enjoy making things for her and so does DH we put a lot of time and effort in her decorations. her headstone is heart shaped with a dove on it, and doves are our "thing" for her and I see them EVERYWHERE!!!!

for those of you who are coming up on due dates, and anniversaries. i suggest doing something with DH on that day and honoring your baby. they are not easy but I really do make them special days!

she was our first and only pregnancy and m/c and my heart ACHES for all of you who have had to endure this mor than once.

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