Relationship; do you tell him you have PCOS? why doesn't just accept me?

[ryanel]

Originally Posted by jaynarod

I haven't been able to bring myself to tell my boyfriend that I have PCOS. I scared that he will think that I am not capable of having children and well, leave me or think I have damaged genes aka survival of the fittest. We all know that isn't true. I know for a fact. I have been aware of my PCOS now for about 3 yrs now, I am now 25. In the past yr the hair excess hair growth around my face is starting to faze me and the acne is getting worse. I tried the birth control pills and metformin so far and nothing. I have been getting regular periods, 3-4 days long. Lately my self esteem has plunged; I can not stand looking into the mirror. It's something so simple. It's hair, acne why does this hurt so much? I have been in prior relationships and I have never felt the way I do now.. plain ugly. He has pointed out my hair in many occassions. It's hair, small little dark hairs that cover pretty much my entire body. I learned to joke around about it as I got older, the walking fur ball. I don't have the funds for laser hair removal, electrolysis and honestly I never considered it that bad, till he came along. I figured this is the way I was made, this is me. I learned to accept it yrs ago and have never been able to be put down till now. I used to have to shave my arms, face, neck, stomach, back, even chest as a teenager. I turned around and noticed the torture I was putting myself into. My mother tried and tried again to tell me that I was beautiful and who ever loved me would accept me the way I am. Why now after so many yrs have I come to regress to my childhood beliefs?

Hey Jayna,
I am 28 and am getting married in June. I was diagnosed with pcos in 99. It took me so much to tell my boyfriend what I had and once I did it took me a lot to disclose little by little what pcos meant and the affects of pcos. I still to this day do not like taking showers with my boyfriend. I will not go out of the house until I have taken a shower and shaved it's a day to day struggle. My boyfriend has been wonderful and loves me for who I am.... it is me that has the problem. I have been going for laser treatment for my face, neck etc. It is painful and costs a lot of money and is not a permanent fix. I have tried putting in a claim to the insurance company to pay for it but they say it's cosmetic and they will not help me. It's sad to think that a prisoner who is male and wants to become female gets six free laser treatments and we can't get anything. Well off of my story. I know that it is hard and frustrating. You need to do what makes you feel comfortable. For hair, there is a lot of things like bleaching cream, waxing creme etc. I found the best thing for me was just shaving because my facial hair was so bad. Take some time to do something that makes you feel beautiful and get in touch with yourself. I know it's a struggle. As far as the guy is concerned if he really loves you he will love you for who you are!!!
~ Ryan

[anonymous1]

i am 20 years old now but when i was 19 i was diagnosed with pcos and i find it very hard to come to terms with this as i never had anyone to talk about it too coz noone understood what i was going through i feel so ugly all the time and so consious about someone will notice the facial hair coz few times people have been saying to me i get so down but dont let it show to others i since i have found out i do not even go near guys as i think they will put me down laugh at me about facial hair and i do not want to have the the treatment for the hair growth as i always wanted to have a family of my own since i can remember i always wanted to have kids and the thought of it not happening scares me and the doc told me to have the treatment to stop hair growth can affect you later on having kids i am always moody and feel so alone

[k-lady]

Jayna,
I so know where you are coming from. When I was dating, I hated the first kiss because I was always worried that the guy would notice my facial hair and no longer be interested in me. When I told one guy about my PCOS and that I was really worried he would reject me, he said, "I don't have a problem with it--as long as you keep yourself up." This really hurt my feelings and let me know that he really didn't understand.
On the other hand, when my now husband first asked to kiss me, I said I couldn't. When he asked why, I was able to tell him about PCOS and my fear of being rejected. He said it didn't matter to him at all. He just hugged me, and we waited to kiss a couple of days later. Ever since, he has only made feel beautiful and whole.
I think you need to tell this boyfriend. How he reacts will let you know if he is good life-partner material or not. I understand that this might be scary to find out. Just remember that your mom is right. You are beautiful and deserving of love and admiration. If we are going to be with men, we need men who adore us!