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Old 05-17-2008, 11:21 AM   #1
Sheila8605
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Lightbulb How can family help?

My daughter was diagnosed with PCOS a couple of years ago. Prior to her diagnosis, she had two early m/c's (only one likely related to the PCOS). She and my son-in-law have been ttc for over a year and we were blessed to find that she is now pregnant (14 weeks now). Everything is looking good physically when she goes to her appointments (at least that's what she tells me) but I'm concerned that she is so tired and doesn't sound like herself. She lives 800 miles away so you can imagine my frustration at not being able to be there daily to support and encourage her. I'm concerned that some of this may be hormonal and some of it may be an attempt to maintain some detachment in the event of another m/c. I'm planning to spend a week with her in July to help get the nursery set up and will be there through delivery and to assist for a couple of weeks afterwards.

I've been doing some research on PCOS and it's impact on the pregnancy and can't seem to find any information in regards to specific types of support needed by family, other than support through the grief process. I initially thought we were through the worst since I'd heard getting pregnant and getting through the first trimester was the biggest challenge but reading about pre-eclampsia and the (even remotest) possibility I could lose her and/or the baby during delivery or immediately following, I'm feeling a bit dazed (someone tell God that losing her and maintaining my sanity isn't possible.)

There are so many risks and, as her mother, I want to do everything I can to help keep her safe and healthy so she can have the child she wants so badly. The literature is indicating the likelihood of a genetic link and in looking at my own history, I can see the symptoms of PCOS in myself. We've also had two babies die of SIDS and numerous m/c's in my own family and I'm now questioning if PCOS was a factor in those situations. None of us had every heard of PCOS until my daughter's diagnosis. I'm sure the maternal guilt is obvious. I say that lightheartedly but my heart really is breaking for her. I want her to be excited, to get caught up in all of the emotions of pregnancy and prospective motherhood (with me being there keeping her from harm as usual) but I know she has had to put up a protective wall to keep herself pushing forward should the worst occur.

So many of you have suffered through such loss, a loss I've never had to experience. She was my first and only attempt at pregnancy and I was truly blessed. What suggestions, ideas, recommendations do you have as to how I can actively support her emotional and physical wellbeing? We are incredibly close for being so far apart and I want to know I have done everything I can possibly do to help her through this. Usually, I'm the one with all the answers but I'm running blind on this.

Thank you. I do appreciate you taking the time to read this and I will keep you all in my prayers.

Sheila
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Old 05-17-2008, 11:33 PM   #2
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I don't know what all to recommend to you other than to keep supporting her like you already do! Women with PCOS also are more likely to have breastfeeding issues. Luckily I didn't, I just had to stop after 8 1/2 months due to only being able to pump once at work. But, you can check out the moms board and see discussion of over/under production of breast milk.

I would suggest that she look into an online support group like this one! It really helps to talk with others who are in a similar situation.
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Old 05-19-2008, 07:07 PM   #3
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I totally second what Penners said!!!!!!

Just knowing that your family/friends are supportive is HUGE!!!! I only have one friend who completely understands because she has PCOS. Other than that...this board has literally saved my life in moments where I felt completely alone. I have a wonderful husband, but they can only understand so much. I would send her the link to this board. We would LOVE LOVE LOVE to help her if we can!!!!!!

Hope that helps!! Good for you for supporting her just by doing research and finding this board!
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Old 05-26-2008, 09:55 PM   #4
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Sheila...

I don't think PCOS makes her at any greater risk for pregnancy related complications than any other woman...as stated above...it does seem more PCOSers have breastfeeding issues than other women....but MANY breastfeed w/o problems.

I had mild pre-eclampsia with my first. For any pregnant woman it's most likely to strike with your first pregnancy and/or baby boy pregnancies. I personally got a severe case or pre-E with my last pregnancy (a baby boy)- it was a traumatic experience BUT God got me thorugh it and medical technology has come a long ways....

http://www.pcosupport.org/newsletter...le122707-8.php

I was extremely tired for most of my pregnancy(ies) with a burst of energy few and far between...besides the emotional factor of having lost two babies...pregnancy is a hard, tiresome time of life It's wonderful how supportive you are and aware of her feelings and her PCOS .....my mother was dealing with guilty feelings too....I was once told PCOS is actually passed on from dad?? Haven't looked into it anymore...but I was told I had to worry about my sons passing it on to their baby girls someday
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Old 05-29-2008, 09:57 AM   #5
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Because PCOS is really a hormonal reaction to an exsisting metabolic issue (usually Insulin Resistance), about the best thing you can do is make sure you are living as healthy a lifestyle as you can. A low-GI-type diet, eating 3 meals w/ 2 - 3 snacks/day and getting lots of exercise are the basics. During pregnancy, this is especially important as it helps to keep blood sugars even throughout the day. If she gets a bout of being really tired, she should have a snack that includes protein and a large drink (preferably water). She should also make sure that her doctors are keeping a good eye on her (I'm sure they are).

Pre-eclampsia is scary, but so long as you keep an eye out for warning signs like severe swelling and vision disturbances, then I wouldn't worry too much. Don't let your concern get in the way of her happiness! Let her (and you!) enjoy the pregnancy! Focus on what a joy this is - and have fun!

As for breastfeeding - find out the local La Leche League in her neighbourhood and make sure she has the contact info. See if she can start learning now, before the baby is born. If her nipples are flat or inverted, rather than sticking out, she can wear a nipple shield now to help pull them out. This makes it easier for the baby to latch on properly.

Take care, and hope this helps! :-D
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Old 01-10-2009, 05:47 AM   #6
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[quote=penners;165644] Women with PCOS also are more likely to have breastfeeding issues. QUOTE]

serious? wow i never knew that, learn a new thing every day! I had sooo many prob trying to breast feed my daughter, i felt so guilty putting her on forumla. Had to express my breast milk, that lasted a whole month!
Wow im in shock, its not me its the pcos to blame!
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Old 01-10-2009, 10:58 AM   #7
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Even though I am a solid supporter of breastfeeding, I still remember this one woman I knew who was having trouble. She was a very young mother (about 17, I think), and living in a maternity home, so she was surrounded by professionals. She tried EVERYTHING to breastfeed! She also had people pushing her to "just keep trying - if you try hard enough, you'll do it, and if you don't breastfeed, it's because you didn't try hard enough". Well, her little girl was losing weight. At one month, she looked like E.T.!

Finally, this woman had enough, she went to the store, bought some formula and some bottles and FED her BABY!!!! Well, the baby sucked down that formula like there was no tomorrow! Within a few days, she perked right up and wasn't listless like she had been. She started gaining weight and went right back on schedule for development (where she had been so weak that she wasn't doing ANYTHING).

That poor baby had been literally STARVING because all of the professionals who surrounded her kept pushing breastfeeding, even when it was obvious that something wasn't working right. If that Mom, young as she was, hadn't taken matters into her own hands, I'm sure her baby would have gotten VERY ill - maybe even had permanent brain damage or even died!

So, never, NEVER feel guilty for feeding your child and putting her needs first! Do your best to learn what went wrong (if you can), so that next time you have a better chance, but in the long run, all that matters is that your child was taken care of. And THAT is being a GREAT Mom!!!

(((HUGS)))
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Old 01-10-2009, 05:40 PM   #8
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Thats so sad that the proffesionals pushed her to do what she wanted. Least she went with her gut instinct, after all a mother knows best!

When or if i fall preg again i really want to breastfeed! I guess i wont feel as guilty if i cant after hearing that story. All that really matters is that your baby is eating and growing!

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Old 12-24-2010, 05:12 PM   #9
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Family means those people who are living with you and care you so much. They want some help from you and you want some help from them.
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Old 12-27-2010, 04:35 PM   #10
December1516
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Default Need help supporting sister with PCOS

Hi, I am writing because I feel I don't know how to support or help my sister who has PCOS. She has been dealing with her weight for most of her life. She is at her largest now. I've grown up knowing how sensitive she is about her weight. I do not have PCOS and do not have problems with my weight. I love my sister more than anything and I can't stand the idea of anything happenning to her.
Today I couldn't take it. She say's she'll start dieting, but the starting date always gets pushed back. She is on metformin and birth control. She has progressed from pre-diabetic to diabetes II. Yet she drinks soda all day and eats the worst foods in large amounts. Her breathing is heavy and she's constantly makes bitter comments about other "skinny girls", which makes me uncomfortable because I look like some of them. I told her that I wanted her to know that I worry about her. I really worry and I can't help it. I feel there is nothing I can do to help. I wish there was something I could do. I wished she would go see a doctor who has dealt with PCOS before. She just makes excuses and turns the blame on everyone else. I told her that it's not just me that worries, that different family members have talked with me about thier worries and they expect me to do something. I don't know what to do. She say's if she dies at 30, then so what, that's her life. That we need to care about her. I do care about her, but shouldn't she care about how it makes her family and I feel? Especially to hear her say those things. She is depressed, but I don't know who I can talk to for help. I don't want to lose my sister one day.
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