New to All of This

[hopin2bpreggermeggers]

Hello All,

Let me introduce myself. My name is Meg, 26, and I was recently diagnosed with PCOS. Looking back to adolescence, however, it totally makes sense.

I'm just really bummed b\c we have been trying for almost a year. All of my friends are getting pregnant around me after trying for a month or two. I'm very happy for them -- truly -- but it is still a little heartbreaking. I also feel a little embarrassed to say "oh I'm experiencing infertility" when they ask why it has not happened yet.

I also look at DH and feel very guilty that I am depriving him of the children he wants. Anyone else feel that way?

Anyway, I look forward to getting to know all of you and take this journey together. I have a strong suspicion it will not be an easy journey. I start clomid 50 mg at the end of this month. I may wait to the new year, however, just to give it a fresh start.

Any advice\stories are appreciated.

[bsjcb2000]

Hi Meg & Welcome - I am also new to this site but can answer one of your questions from experience . I had a really hard time concieving both of my children (didn't know at the time it was because of PCOS, but it was) anyway, yes, I constantly felt like I was only 1/2 a woman because it seemed like all these people who had no business having babies were just popping them out all around me with no effort (lots use the terms .. this baby is an "opps") and here I could not do 1 simple thing like give my husband (and myself a child) It took me a while to realise that the miracle of a child is just that.. a miracle. Some people concieve this miracle with little to no effort and therefore are not aware of what a miracle it truly is. Others, like us, have to make a ton of effort and even then, sometimes, are still not successful at it.. I won't tell you to relax, or take a break, or it will happen when it happens, or if you were not so consumed by the thoughts of it maybe it would happen (I can go on and on) The thing is i heard each of these and more from people that are special to me and it was all I could do not to scream at them. my husband's 17 year old brother and 15 year old girlfriend got preg and my 52 year old father and his 41 year old girlfriend both got preg and that was the last straw.. I nearly had a breakdown.. I had to learn not to define myself by something I truly had no control over. That did not "relax" me enough for me to get preg... medicine helped me get preg, but it did help me deal with the stress of the unknown. To me that was the worst part. not knowing if I would be successful. I think sometimes it would be easier to be able to be told, nope, you'll never have a child then to play the game and have the hope that *maybe* you *might* conceive one day if you do everything just right AND the stars align just so. At least you would know. I truly hope whatever treatement your Dr suggests for you is successful quickly and you get to hold that bundle of love in your arms soon. Just try to not define yourself by something you really can't control. Best Wishes to you in your journey.

[dawndalebout]

I Meg.. I totally understand where you're comming from! In my teenage years my AF started out fine..then it got to be more and more irregular to not getting it at ALL. Esp for the past 4 years or so the only way I get it is Provera (enduced). It's just been the past few years i was diagnosed with PCOS. And it's been a long struggle, and just recently have I actually done anything about it. 4 1/2 years ago I was pregnant.. and misscarried early. Then last year around Mother's Day actually, I was pregnant again.. but June 4th two days after my birthday I misscarried because my Hcg levels weren't doubling, and then suddenly dropped. Some birthday present huh? At that time before we lost the baby i was around 6-7weeks we were so excited and had the nursery almost ALL done. I made Jason (my fiance then) take back everything, .i didnt even want to look at it. Then, i found out i had a big cyst on my right ovary. We've been tracking it since then hoping it'd go down, so i went on BC to see if it would. Well, it didnt and it got to be almost 7 CM across! Actually, i just had my surgery today, sill in pain.. ugh. So my doc recommended surgery, laproscopy or h/e you spell it and a D &C. For over a year I've been in pain with this huge cyst, and finally I gave in. I wanted the pain to go away, and Jason and I ( we got married this past August 15th!) wantd to start a family. So.. even though I was so scared, nervous, never been u nder anestisia before.. went through with it. Since I just had it done today, obviously I'm in pain so upon healing I'll let you know how things go . But anyways, she told me that after this surgery I'll be very fertile, and that she gives me almost a 95% chance to get pregnant within a few months. That I should start AF naturally within a week or two, and IF not then she'll finally start me on Clomid. I'm also on Metformin, and Spironalaction. So Im praying that I have a healthy and quick recovery, and hope we will soon conceive!
As for all of your friends having babies.. I totally know how you feel. I have so many friends and know so many people that are just popping bundles of joy like crazy.. and even though I'm happy for them, I at the same time despise them. Esp, since a few of them aren't even ready to be partents! Because they are young, not mature and just want to party! (I'm 22) Even when I'm in the stores and see complete strangers with children.. or if I walk by the baby isles I just want to cry. And about your bf and how you feel. I know how that feels too. See my husband already has a son, he's now 5.. LONG STORY SHORT his ex won't let him have any communication with him what so ever, she's the type of woman that has 5 different kids with all different fathers, lives off the state and welfare , doesn't work and collects child support on each one ( and taht's LITERALLY how she REALLY IS). We're actually now starting to get into more legal actions so he can at LEAST see his son. its sad really.. but anyways because he already has a child weather we see him or not.. I feel SO useless.. and I alraedy have depression, so whenever i think about it I get so upset. Because I constantly think to myself.. him and his ex have such a bond (not literally they hate eachother) but they have such a precious thing between them.. why can't him and I have that? When we really love eachother, we're married, and we WANT a family. Him and his ex gf never planned it, it just.. happened. Andeven know he doesn't get to see his son, he loves and misses him very much. But.. that's how I feel. I feel as if sometimes I'm just not good enough. And then I get depressed and think, maybe I can never have children..even though my doctor tells me differnt. it's just, I always think the worse of things. So as for all of this, I really totally understand where you're comming from. I'm slowly getting better on acceptance, and realize i CAN have children. Maybe I've had some bad experiences, but you always get a bad with a good, and I just pray that god will let us have a family. And as long as I do what Im supposed to and follow my docs instructions, i feel as if now maybe we will finally have that chance...... Meg if you ever want someone to talk to, I'm ALWAYS here. I've been in your shoes, I know how you feel, and I wisk you the best of luck to try and overcome those feelings. Don't get me wrong, it's hard thing to do, but once you start to thin positive, youll feel SO much better!

[r6bikerchick]

Dawn, thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm actually in the same boat that you are - my DH has a daughter with his ex-wife. This is the first time I'm bringing it up here because it has its own special pain and challenges as you mentioned.

Like your husband, my DH's ex does not allow him to see his daughter and we have recently moved to a different province so it wouldn't be possible anyway. But I still think about the special bond that my DH has with his ex simply because they had a child together. Nothing can take that bond away.

I too, struggle with jealousy and inferiority. My DH and his ex conceived their daughter in the first cycle of trying, five weeks after their wedding. I have been married for over two years and TTC for over six months and am only recently finding out that I have PCOS, meaning it will be even harder for me to conceive, if ever. Why me and why not her? Why does anyone have to have this? I hate that people will try to comfort you by saying that PCOS is the most common endocrine disorder in women, affecting 5-10% of the population. Why am I in that 5-10% at all??

[dawndalebout]

r6bikerchick- I know exactly how you feel.. no need to even explain.. and i totally agree with you, why us? I guess everyone is right when they say life isn't fair.. beacuse frankly it just isn't.. but we will get through this! it may take a while, but we will get through it!

[Jenn T]

I have had a handful of periods in my entire life. My first was when i was really young, but throughout my adolescence I was told that my lack of periods was normal. Now I am married and am trying to conceive. I was told by a doctor that i have pcos about 6 months ago. But unlike a lot of you my doctor did not tell me the risks, offer any options to help my fertility, or even tell me much more than i am infertile. Now i am getting symptoms of being pregnant, but have not had my period since April. I was told that taking BC would help my PCOS, but every time i have tried to use it, i have bled so heavily that they considered giving me a blood transfusion due to the rapid amount of blood loss. I do not know what to do with myself. My husband and I really want a baby, but i am worried that even if i do get pregnant, i will not be able to carry the baby healthily. I am a little scared to know if i am pregnant, but do not see how i could be. Please help if you can!

[r6bikerchick]

Take a home pregnancy test!

If it's positive, march yourself into your doctor's office and start your prenatal care (hopefully you are already taking a balanced prenatal vitamin since you are TTC). Tell him/her your concerns - you may consider having your progesterone levels tested, since low progesterone is a leading cause of miscarriage, but is easily corrected through progesterone supplementation.

If it's negative, march yourself into your doctor's office and state that are NOT comfortable with NOT having a period in eight months. Ask for b/w to test your hormone levels and blood glucose levels. Ask for a diagnostic ultrasound to see the condition of your ovaries and uterine lining. If necessary, ask about ways to bring about uterine bleeding, i.e. progestin support and withdrawal.

[Jenn T]

I have taken 2 home pregnancy tests and they are both negative. I just moved to a new state so due to not having insurance I cannot pay for a doctor at this moment. Now i am having a weird discharge. What is TTC? And what is a B/W? Sorry I am still really new to this.

[jcole20]

TTC: trying to conceive

[MissRebellious]

TTC is trying to conceive, and I believe that b/w is blood work.

To everyone who has posted on this thread, my heart goes out to you. Stay positive, keep trying, and don't give up hope! It'll happen, you just have to believe.

(Wow, that sounded so Disney.. It wasn't supposed to, I'm sorry, it was cheesy, but I think it's an effective statement. At least, it is for me for just about everything I do in my life. ^.^ )